I think that I initially hesitated to write this out because of the way that the following words will portray my volunteers. So first, some important disclaimers:
1. All the funny GIFs about how they're all morning people or all skeptical of my construction knowledge, are just that--funny GIFs. Although annoying at times, none of that trivial stuff is contributing to these thoughts.
2. The main issue, thankfully, does NOT apply to all the volunteers who come through our center
3. I am well aware of my own flaws and do not mean to stand on a high horse and judge the people around me, but I do intend to share some of my observations of adults who are still learning to walk like Christ.
I think the major thing that I've noticed is the heartbreaking and faith-shaking difference between youth and adults. When the kids struggle with "getting it" we can just say, "That's okay, they're just 15 and have an attitude. They'll get there eventually." With them, the seeds are planted, our hands are washed, and our minds are cleared. But these adults are just superglued on my heart. When a grown, mature Christian (even leaders of congregations) doesn't "get it" there is no excuse that I can readily find--they should know better, right?
I find that I am even more disgruntled by the simple lack of hope in some volunteers. Why drive all this way and give us all this money if you don't believe that there is good progress being made because of your work? Too many times I've been confronted by someone who feels that their task for the week is not important or crucial enough, or that the family they're serving isn't Christian enough, grateful enough, or helping them enough. Through this it just becomes obvious to me that these people are here only in a self-serving capacity. They come to ASP for the transformation of lives--but deep down they're really expecting the biggest impact to be on themselves and get upset with us when this doesn't happen. I just can't understand the idea of doing good deeds not for the sake of the deed itself but in order to receive praise and recognition. Recognizing this in others has been somewhat of a wakeup call, a blessing in disguise really, just because now I am much more conscious of this behavior in myself, especially as it relates to ASP but also to my future career in medicine. One thing that people often say about ASP is that you never know just where God will hit you--this is why in the youth program we share our God Moments from the week. I think it says a lot that this is not a tradition in the adult program, and even if it was, I'm very afraid that it would be a pretty quiet evening. So herein lies my inherent struggle with the issue: is it right to volunteer your time and energy to a cause, even if your reasons for doing so are not wholly selfless? Do we turn away volunteers who disagree with us or who cause conflict? This is, afterall, a Christian organization, so how far do we go in challenging these "Christians" in their faith by confronting them about their hypocrisy?
An even worse consequence of this volunteer negativity is its effect on my attitude towards ASP. This place has always been an amazing adventure where you can really feel as though you're changing things. Now, being slapped in the face by the ideas of these experienced adults who blatantly doubt the effect that ASP actually has on the community has caused me to lose a little of my bright-eyed hope. And the worst part? The only thing that could help these volunteers to regain some of that energy for change is the positivity from me and my coworkers--the very thing that their words and actions work to destroy. And for the most part, they're right--poverty is a cycle, and treating the symptoms of it cannot eradicate the cause. But it's the main principle of ASP that is unique and uplifting, and something that most long-term volunteers lose sight of. Sure, we cannot rebuild the coal industry, make people work to get off welfare, or provide healthy food options in the Appalachian food deserts, but we CAN provide an unconditional, radical love to people who may have never experienced it before. We can say, "Don't worry, just sit right there and we'll just completely love the crap out of you." And then, an incredible seed is planted and a door is opened into a world where everyone knows about this kind of love and how to share it with each other and in that way maybe some part of the poverty cycle can begin to break. It is beyond words how powerful unconditional love can be, and we can never know how our example may serve in the future.
Over the holidays I've had many healing conversations with people about this topic that has been weighing so heavily on my heart, but I still believe that I have a lot more to learn and understand about humanity, Christianity and the human condition. We have new volunteers coming this weekend and I'm hopeful that they can turn my opinions around at least for a few days and maybe longer. The most important thing I realized from all the conversations is that while the volunteers may not be able or willing to extend the kind of love expected of Christians to our families, I'm still expected to show this love to the volunteers, and perhaps in that way nourish a few seeds. Gotta say though--it's pretty hard.
"If anyone says, 'I love God,' and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen." 1 John 4:20
