Faith and Science

Today I found beauty in productivity--without actually doing any work! Ok, here I might need to back up and explain that this is based on a slightly different interpretation of the word. When polled, a random sampling of the people in my living room (aka it was just Amber) said that productivity meant "getting things done." As I adore her and feel that she is a solid representation of the English speaking world, I'll go on a limb and say that this is how most people would define it. Also, hers was way better than the other suggestion made: "the quality or state of being productive" which is just redundant. That Merriam-Webster fellow sure is lazy and uncreative.

So back to how we're going to tweak this understanding to better fit my needs. (It's my blog so I do what I want, right?) Our consumerist brains usually jump automatically to an image of productivity as resulting in the making of a tangible thing. "Getting things done" refers to things like finishing paperwork or building houses or being a grown-up and cooking a meal that doesn't require a microwave. For my purposes, let's think about "things" as being abstract ideas: life questions, faith journey stuff, or understanding the point of life before microwave ovens. I spent my whole day shadowing a doctor in the local medical clinic and it was amazing. Practicing medicine in a small town is definitely a unique experience because you already know your patients and their history before you're presented with their chart. You know their kids and their kids' friends and their kids' friends' parents and their parents and THEIR parents. Exhausting, surely, but incredible.

Rewind to college where I was told that Christians who were scientists were an oxymoron--a moment that caused a significant amount of doubt in my faith life. In pondering my choice of the medical field I've spent what feels like a lot of time thinking about how God probably isn't a huge fan of pain, disease, or suffering and how, if He loves us like I think He does, He would want us to do our best to keep people from experiencing too much of those things. Thinking about medical school applications and the countless times I'll have to tell people why I want to be a doctor, I really don't know that I've found a concise answer. It seems to me that medicine is the best combination of things that I find most important--helping others and using science. In their own ways both of these things have created links to God for me and I cherish that. Now fast forward to today when I was walking around the clinic feeling like God was present in the oddly named antibiotics and the genuine conversations that made people feel loved. I still don't know how I'm going to put that feeling into an essay in a few months, but I definitely feel more sure about where my life is headed--and that, I'd say, is pretty productive.


"He said, 'My presence will go with you and I will give you rest.'" Exodus 33:14

Short Beauty Updates

Friday, January 25th- Sunday, January 27th:
Unspoken New Year's resolution #2 has begun--the gallon challenge. Not the one you're probably thinking of because we all know how much I hate milk. For a more tolerable and less stomach-upsetting experience I've decided to try to drink a gallon of water everyday. And so far, it is way, way more water than I imagined. When I was in college I drank pop (Dr. Pepper!!) almost twice a day, but when I went to Australia I basically stopped because of how expensive it was to buy it there. After a few weeks of some raging caffeine headaches, I've been successful with mostly drinking water or green tea (usually decaffeinated) and I think that's part of why I felt so much healthier in Australia than I had before. So now that I'm working out regularly again I'm excited to add this challenge to each day and it's been interesting. You don't really notice how much water you drink (or don't drink) until you're looking for it, similar to my quest of finding beauty in the winter. A gallon of water is seriously a lot of water. I've marked a mason jar at the 16 oz. mark and I try to drink as many of them as I can in a day (a gallon is 128 oz.) but it's still a very conscious effort. I'm interested to see if this benefits my metabolism and/or overall feeling of health as well as how I perceive myself performing when I work out. I guess this is the same beauty-mark as a previous one--feeling healthy, but I don't think it's a bad thing to want to feel as healthy as I can.

Monday, January 28th:
While signing a new home for the spring, we were chatting with the mom while the 4 year-old daughter was running around. She's really sweet and very smart (except for the concept of "little"...she always refers to me as "Little Girl"). When she jumped on her dad, he pretended to bite her and when she got mad he simply said "Don't get mad girl, I cain't bite cha if I tried...My teeth are in the other room!" #WestVirginiaLyfe

Tuesday, January 29th:
Today was 65 degrees and I got to spend part of it playing with puppies. Also we found a really amazing new project and had a really relaxed and easygoing conversation with the homeowner. Not hard to find the beauty there.

On Saving Grace

Wednesday, January 23rd:
Wednesdays are the day that my staff has a "vocational discernment" discussion time in the middle of our work day. This month, we're reading "The Prodigal God" by Tim Keller--a very one-sided approach to the interpretation of the parable of the prodigal son (the rest of this blog will operate under the assumption that y'all are familiar with this story, so if you aren't, it's a quick read in Luke 15:11-32. Or Google/Wikipedia probably knows about it, too.) I've never been super into book clubs or Bible studies, mostly because I like to spend time thinking about what things mean on my own, rather than discuss every nuance with other people, but we did talk about something today that I found really meaningful. Keller's book mostly talks about how, although it's not as easy for us to understand, both of the sons in the story are sinners, in their own ways. But, the incredible part is that the father is accepting and loving of both the boys and extends an invitation to his biggest feast to them both even though in Biblical times it would have been incredibly demeaning for the head of household to run anywhere (as he does when he sees the youngest son return) or to beg and plead (as he does with the eldest son). Without getting into all the details of the book, even the layman can understand that Jesus is referring to the unconditional saving grace of God, our heavenly Father. How does it make you feel to know that no matter what you do, God has a place for you in his House? So then...why do we try to do good deeds and live good Christian lives, if this whole time we could have been a serial killer and either way God will love us just as much and extend us just as much saving grace?

Here is where it is important to put God in the father role and you'll better understand my own personal answer to this question. I am beyond blessed with an incredible dad. I know that no matter what I end up doing with my life--prescribing drugs or dealing them--he would never love me more or less than he does now. But, doing the right thing in hard situations, growing and learning in healthy ways, and living life with compassion and love are things that could make him really proud of me. I think he would feel happy to know that I let him guide me, or even just glad that when I didn't listen the first time, I came to him when things went wrong. And, as someone who loves him beyond measure, the question becomes why wouldn't I want to try to do all the right things to make him proud? No matter that his love for me wouldn't change. When we think about God this way (and I found that this was hard for my roommates to grasp, because they, sadly, do not have as great a relationship with their dads as I do with mine) then we can begin to find out if we're doing things so that He will love us more (pointless) or simply because we love Him and like any son or daughter, want Him to have something to brag about.

So anyways, having those "Aha" moments about your faith seem pretty beautiful to me, as well as the reminder of how great my dad is. (Also my mom is amazing! I mean, she sent me funfetti frosting in the mail this week, so I think you understand.)

Thursday, January 24th:
Today I got to witness a human saving grace. The alternator in my car had died and I needed a new one to be put in--generally around $200. (Sidenote: That is almost all of the money that I make in an entire month) When our local garage didn't have the right parts, they had to call another bigger store out of town. Apparently, when the local guy explained to them that I was here working for ASP, they decided to just give me a new alternator. For free. Needless to say, I feel relieved. That kind of giving spirit is definitely beautiful and I hope that I can pay this forward in some way.

Beauty, Cont.

I'm wondering if this whole "tell everyone what beauty you encountered today" thing is getting old for anyone yet.  I hope not, but I could definitely understand. I read through my blog from Australia last night and I thought, "Man, I'm really not very interesting this time around." But I think that feeling is exactly why I need to keep doing this--purposely seeking out great things happening now to remind myself that even though this year is a different experience than my whirlwind study abroad, it's still an adventure and I'd like to remember it. And anyways, the only person probably reading these entries is my Nana and she seems to like everything that I do, so I suppose I can't go wrong :)

Monday, January 21st:
It was Martin Luther King Jr. Day, Obama referenced Detroit AND Appalachia in his inaugural speech.......and we made this gingerbread house? The gingerbread man even has a snow shovel, in case you weren't impressed. Also there is a marshmallow igloo.

Tuesday, January 22nd:

I spent most of today driving. For someone with minor (or major, depending on who you talk to) control issues, driving is nice. I guess when you're behind the wheel of a Ford pickup, you feel like you can do anything. Sunset over the mountains on my way to the gym wasn't bad either. No pictures though--safety first!

Hot and Cold

Thursday, January 17th:
Looks like I got an easy break today

Behind our center after the snowfall

Friday, January 18th:

We got to go back to the Food Bank today which is run by one of our partner organizations in WyCo and provides low-income families with a grocery cart of food and free reign of their "mall" of donations. It's always really incredible to help out there--we meet so many great people (like a 64 year old who can karate kick the ceiling) and we get to hear stories from people who have had ASP work for them in the past. In a time when we don't have a lot of volunteers, I think there's beauty in feeling useful and in being a part of something that is doing so much good. For the record, there were 2,174 households from our county (that's 1/5 of all the households in WyCo) recorded in their database as meeting the standards for the organization which is an income at or below the poverty line. (For a couple that's $15,000/yr and for a family of four that's $23,000/yr). However, only about 200 of those came to claim their free goods and we were told that this is mostly due to lack of transportation. Regardless, I'm so impressed by what they're able to give away and I'm really glad we're going to get to be a part of it for the rest of the year.

Saturday, January 19th:
Today we went to sign two new projects, both for genuinely incredible families. Our work is really going to have a big effect on their homes and lives. I think I'd have to say that my beautiful moment for today is the fact that I essentially get to walk into a stranger's house and say "Hey, I'd like to change your life, is that cool?" That feeling helps to make all the "sorry, we can't help you"s a little bit more bearable.

Sunday, January 20th:
Unofficial New Year's resolution has officially begun--I have a membership to the gym! Standard West Virginia, it takes 20 minutes to drive there, but at least the drive is pretty! I was actually really impressed by all the equipment that was available. There's a full length swimming pool (and, weirdly, a hot tub) an indoor and outdoor basketball court, tennis courts and a fully equipped fitness center. There's even a fitness center room just for women. So after I spent about 30 minutes getting stared at by guys in the main room, I ended up in the women's room all by myself, and it was so great. One of the biggest problems that I have when I workout is that I get bored doing the same thing for too long and/or from listening to the same music. My workout today was perfect, partly because of all the options I had and partly because I found some amazing workout mixes that I was able to download for free. They're from a site called Steady130 and I highly recommend them for anyone in the same spot as me. I started the hour-long mix and just worked out doing random stuff until the music stopped, and I barely noticed that it had been that long. Today's beautiful thing would have to be how great it feels to accomplish something you've been wanting to do, and especially when it's a healthy thing. Not to mention that it's really sunny and warm outside again!

The view from the windows of the gym. Not much right now, but I'm looking forward to how this will look in the spring/summer!

More Beauty Schtuff

Monday, January 14th:
There is a lot of beauty in good conversations. Nicki and I spent time with the Cline's (the owners of our local hardware store) and one of our homeowners today, engaged in respectively happy and sad conversations. Learning more about people and their lives brings us closer to them, and I love that. We even learned a new phrase-- "She's as sweet as shit on shingles" which refers to gravy with sausage bits in it. I decided that's how we'll introduce it to our volunteers at breakfast from now on.

Tuesday, January 15th:
Today was incredibly productive. Nicki and I managed to go on four Initial Home Visits and we found some pretty amazing new projects. Our work will really help turn a few lives around. Nick told me that IHVs never fail to remind her why we're here working with ASP. I definitely agree. So, the small reminder that I'm blessed to work for an organization that is literally changing lives..that's pretty beautiful.

Wednesday, January 16th:
Although I'm pretty sure that I saw a human skeleton on the side of the road today (still unconfirmed... may have been a deer) I was still able to find some beauty: we got free and delicious Mexican food for lunch today!

Also, we finished this promotional video this week! Look for some familiar faces :)

"When Jesus spoke to the people, he said, 'I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'" John 8:12

A Cure For The Winter Blues?

There is a saying in ASP-year round-land-- "Are you feeling the winter blues yet?" Many of my friends from Michigan know exactly what that might refer to, and would probably be willing to share their advice, pity and/or their SAD lamp. (Seasonal Affective Disorder is no joke, folks. It is literally just GRAY for 4 months of the Michigan year. Rough stuff.) Around here there's a similar feeling, but it mostly begins because of the long winter period where we have no volunteers. It's strange to work for a volunteer-based home repair ministry and not see a single volunteer for months. We were warned about  this very thing at our fall training, but there's really nothing that can prepare you for wintertime in Brenton living with your coworkers and being forced to find busywork around the center. On top of all that, Appalachia is just, sort of, ugly in the winter. The trees are just there, and with the exception of a fresh snowfall, just really brown and really, really plain. 

I've spent all of my life with the understanding that natural beauty in creation was an easy way for me to find God. Knowing that, you can begin to grasp why watching my massive, lush green mountains shrivel into piles of brown sticks and rocks whose only purpose seems to be making the sun set an hour early, is distressing for me. When I was placed on staff my second summer in Mercer county, we arrived into the CITY of Bluefield where we would be living for the next 8 weeks and I was so disappointed. Crying on the phone to my mom the first night, I complained that there was none of that "mountain magic" I'd been looking forward to--we lived behind a Hardee's and the main road ran next to a thriving set of seven dirty railroad tracks. Nights weren't "country quiet" and days weren't spent driving around on winding roads, taking in the sheer height of the mountains and trees. It wasn't easy to be with God and I think that I was there for a reason--to learn to find beauty in unconventional ways and places. As the summer progressed, I stopped hoping for a stroll down Easy Street with God, and I ended up finding him everywhere, especially in unexpected places and people. I think it's true that I'm being challenged again here--both to find beauty in an ugly winter, and to find hope in a hopeless place.

I filled out a survey for UM today about where I ended up after graduation. I got to a yes/no question that said, "Is your current position in your preferred geographic location?" (which I feel was just their politically correct way of asking if I like where I live) and I froze. So badly I want to be able to answer yes to that question, so I'm going to start a new thing where I try to find something beautiful everyday, even if it's small, until the first signs of spring arrive--aka our first big bunch of volunteers, on March 4th. I'll try to include pictures to make it more fun for everyone :)

Monday, January 7th -- Friday, January 11:

I think that joy is a pretty beautiful thing. Blessed to have so much laughter in my life right now. Also, we had really incredible volunteers this week (and not just because they gave us t-shirts, but free shirts is a beautiful thing in itself)

Saturday, January 12:

Not hard to find beauty when a day in January is sunny and 70 degrees, but I found this bridge to be particularly nice.

Sunday, January 13th:

Today was a true day of rest and I definitely find beauty in rest.

"Finally, beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Philippians 4:8